At My Most Burned-Out in 35 Years

[Retreater]

I feel almost too exhausted to write this post.

Over two years of two weekly games in different systems with only the occasional missed session.
Last weekend, I ran a bonus marathon session for around 8 hours (for different players in another system).
This weekend, I ran a game for a drunken wedding party that lasted until midnight (for yet different players in yet another different system) - turned around, drove 4 hours, and ran another 4 hour game.
In the regular game, people don't pay attention to their turns, don't know their character abilities, argue with me about their character abilities (that they don't know), have a "joke journal" instead of keeping pertinent adventure details.

Yesterday, I rushed home from the wedding party game. Got home just in time to level up 5 characters for the players, printed out 30 pages of character sheets, organized the table, and had about 1 hour to lay down and feel hopeless that I had nothing to run for the group. (My previous planned encounters had been made worthless when the group decided to flee the adventure the previous session.) No suitable pre-made adventures were available, because I'm running a dead system notorious for bad adventures.

Thankfully, we are taking off next Sunday for Mother's Day. I'm about to collapse - not kidding. I don't want to stop running the games and kill the groups. Also, if I take time off, that will be the same as killing the groups. In at least one of the groups - I'm the only person willing to DM. My wife - who is a player - literally got mad at me when I told her I was tired. ("I guess just tell everyone you don't want to DM anymore and that we're not going to play.")

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to vent? Maybe to help organize my thoughts about how to try to recover from this?

 

[Warpiglet-7]

That is too much. That has stopped being a hobby and has become a job.

Delegate some things if you can. Prioritize and shed some tasks.

Take a break. Don’t be self punitive.

I am the opposite—-I cannot get it together to run enough…

 

[Deset Gled]

Also, if I take time off, that will be the same as killing the groups.

There's a lot to be concerned about in your post, but I think it's appropriate to start here. Time off should absolutely be an acceptable option. If one or two sessions off kills the group, there are major underlying issues that need to be addressed. Life happens. It's a game, not a job.

My advice would be to explain to everyone that you really, really need some mental health time. The groups that can handle that and come back together once you've addressed whatever to need to address are probably the groups most worth keeping.

Good luck. Hope things improve for you soon.

 

[SJB]

Sorry to hear that. No particular advice: I enjoy your contributions to the forum.

 

[Emberashh]

"I guess just tell everyone you don't want to DM anymore and that we're not going to play."

If thats what she actually said then you might be in a toxic marriage friend. Thats a little too vitriolic and unempathetic to not be an indicator of much bigger issues.

Hopefully thats just a distortion from getting it second hand.

But besides that, yeah take a break, and I'd also recommend you start asking more of who you're playing with regularly. Players level their own stuff and keep up with it. Thats not your problem beyond just knowing where they sit. And I'd take the teacher's approach to that too; let them fail. If you know they should be at Level X, run for Level X. If they die, they die. Womp womp. Relish in victory.

 

[Meech17]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum from you. I'm running just one game.. And we only play every other month or so. I'm so excited because I think we're scheduling to play not this coming weekend (Same as you, Mother's Day) but the weekend following. So I've got two weeks to prepare my session.

I often find myself upset that I don't get to play more, but here I see that the grass isn't always greener. I can't even begin to imagine how much work it would be to run two games every week.

First and foremost I'd talk to your wife. Let her know that she hurt your feelings. It's one thing to struggle with your players, but with your partner as well is especially rough. Maybe if you guys have a serious chat about it, she might be willing to take some of the workload off of you.

Lastly, I'd take a long hard look at how badly you want to keep these games going. It seems to me like you feel like you're being held hostage by your games. Maybe letting one, or even both of them die wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Take some time off. See if when faced with the prospect of no gaming one of your players picks up the mantle. If not then maybe in the future you can look at starting a new game. When you do you can work a little bit harder upfront to set some stronger ground rules and expectations.

Good luck. I really hope you find a good solution

 

[Reynard]

In the regular game, people don't pay attention to their turns, don't know their character abilities, argue with me about their character abilities (that they don't know), have a "joke journal" instead of keeping pertinent adventure details.

Fire that group. D&D doesn't have to be "serious business" but the players should at least respect the game and your time.

Got home just in time to level up 5 characters for the players

This popped out at me. Why aren't the players responsible for this part?

My wife - who is a player - literally got mad at me when I told her I was tired. ("I guess just tell everyone you don't want to DM anymore and that we're not going to play.")

Oof.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to vent? Maybe to help organize my thoughts about how to try to recover from this?

Cut down to one regular game and try and limit the special event games to at least a couple weeks between them.

 

[billd91]

Retreater, you've been complaining about your gaming situation on here for a LONG time now. And people have given you advice on questions here and there. But you always seem to have reasons you can't or won't take certain measures to make things easier for yourself. Well, if you are this exhausted, it is HIGH TIME to take time off. Push off the responsibility onto someone else for a while, and if nobody is willing to do that, then LET THE GROUPS DIE for now. Maybe you'll be able to bring them back up when you've gotten some time away, maybe not. But this burning the candle at both ends is turning this hobby into a thankless job. And you don't seem to want that.

 

[payn]

Think you need an unconventional support group. Happy to help with that.

I think its probably not uncommon for GMs to wish their players were more involved both in the mechanics and story of the game. I know I was running a PF1 AP some years ago for a group mixed with friends and folks I met from PFS. I poured many hours into preparing not just the adventure but customizing it to my tastes and for the players characters specifically. One player quit early becasue of the beer and pretzels style of some of the other players. I tried keeping up with it, but eventually I reached a burn out point. I was going to talk to the group about suspending/ending the campaign when they showered me with compliments on the game. "Much better than average, and way better than PFS. Exactly what hey want in a GM, etc..." That recharged my batteries and kept the campaign alive. I did, however, make adjustments to my prep so I wasnt burning out so badly and met them halfway. Was able to have a fun experience for everyone after a little discussion. They didnt realize my burnout, I didnt realize their enjoyment.

I think you need to be more mindful of your work load, OP. I would have done one of several things in your shoes.

• Cancelled my regular game session becasue of the special wedding event. Just not enough time to do both.
• Prepped my regular session game so that I was absolutely ready to run it ahead of time so it wasnt an issue.
• Just say no to offers to run extra games. Its always nice to be wanted as a GM, but sometimes its one game too many.

 

[Retreater]

This popped out at me. Why aren't the players responsible for this part?

We're playing 4e, and I'm the only one with the old Character Builder installed, which is apparently necessary for them to play the game. It's too much to do with books, paper and pencil. They are really into 4e, or so they say.