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[LOTR] [Humor] - The Secret Diary of Aragorn Son of Arathorn
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<blockquote data-quote="Lady Starhawk" data-source="post: 6195" data-attributes="member: 441"><p>(My first post on the new board...so I hope it comes out all right <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> )</p><p></p><p>I found this along with Hobbit, Two Towers, and Return of the king on the Book a Minute site, darn funny stuff. BUt this I copied off of the old board as soon as I saw it <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> .</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/~cassieclaire" target="_blank">http://www.livejournal.com/~cassieclaire</a> is more journals of characters including Frodo and Boromir <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite7" alt=":p" title="Stick out tongue :p" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":p" /> .</p><p></p><p>THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (abridged version)</p><p></p><p>Frodo: Hi, Gandalf!</p><p>Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring.</p><p>Bilbo: Okay. Bye!</p><p>Gandalf: See you at the pub, Frodo.</p><p></p><p>Frodo: Doo-de-do.</p><p>Nazgul: Boo!</p><p>Frodo: Eeeek!</p><p>Merry: (pops up out of nowhere) Eeeek!</p><p>Pippin: (ditto) Eeeek!</p><p>Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now!</p><p></p><p>Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends!</p><p>Frodo: No time for you, weirdo.</p><p>Tom Bombadil: (disappears)</p><p></p><p>Saruman: See, all I had to do was cross out "Good" on my business cards and write "Bad", and I'm all set.</p><p>Gandalf: I never saw /that/ coming.</p><p>Saruman: Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of evil orcs and war machinery which were in plain sight.</p><p>Gandalf: Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of in the canonical dungeon deep underground. Oh, wait.</p><p></p><p>Frodo: (whispering) Keep a low profile.</p><p>Pippin: (loudly) And don't mention your real name, right?</p><p>Merry: (loudly) Or the ring either, right?</p><p>Strider: Right. Don't mention the ring. (laughs) It's okay, I'll save you.</p><p></p><p>Pippin: (whining) Are we there yet?</p><p>Nazgul: Bwa ha ha ha. Give us the ring, little worm.</p><p>Frodo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names-</p><p>Sam: Hmm, looks like swords work too.</p><p>Strider: Go away, bad men!</p><p>Nazgul: The five of us must flee, for we are outnumbered by this one Ranger!</p><p></p><p>Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell!</p><p>Merry: That was easy.</p><p>Pippin: Don't knock it.</p><p>Sam: Elves are cool!</p><p>Elrond: Get the hell out of my place, I don't need trouble.</p><p>Gimli: You can't throw them out while I'm here!</p><p>Legolas: Same for me!</p><p>Elrond: Right, all of you wankers leave now.</p><p>Gandalf: But I just got here.</p><p>Boromir: I'll just invite myself along. No real reason. Certainly not because I have larceny on my mind. Nope.</p><p>Strider: Look, they fixed my sword! (swish) Wheeeee!</p><p></p><p>Frodo: Such beautiful scenery. The green grass and leaves are so-</p><p>[THUD]</p><p>Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from?</p><p>Gandalf: Don't blame me. Who knew that mountains could be cold on top?</p><p>Gimli: Told you we should go through the mines.</p><p>Strider: Let the dwarf have his way.</p><p>Legolas: Fine, whatever, just open the door.</p><p>Gimli: Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside.</p><p>Boromir: What a bunch of dicks.</p><p>Gandalf: Of course! (applies C4 to the problem) [POOF]</p><p>Sam: Such magic.</p><p></p><p>Merry: Ooooo, dead dwarf over here!</p><p>Gimli: Boo hoo.</p><p>Pippin: HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!!</p><p>Gandalf: Twit.</p><p>Orcs: Oh good, we were getting hungry. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep an army fed in these abandonded mines?</p><p>Boromir: (Slash)</p><p>Legolas: (Pfft)</p><p>Gimli: (Whack)</p><p>Orcs: This is definitely putting a damper on our relationship.</p><p>Frodo: Ouch!</p><p>Strider: Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished! Our quest has failed!</p><p>Frodo: Just kidding. I did the slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest trick while I was standing in profile to y'all. Pretty funny, eh?</p><p>Balrog: Dammit, I was sound asleep. That really ticks me off.</p><p>Gandalf: We are so doomed.</p><p>Strider: Not if we run away! (does so)</p><p>Boromir: First good idea you've had. (follows)</p><p>hobbits: (already in the lead)</p><p>Gandalf: (trailing) It matters not! You cannot outrun the demon!</p><p>Legolas: We don't have to . . .</p><p>Gimli: . . . we just have to outrun *you*.</p><p>Balrog: Your ass is mine, wizard. (drags Gandalf down with him)</p><p>Strider: Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has fallen!</p><p>Frodo: I'm over it.</p><p>Sam: Yeah, let's go, there's no food here.</p><p></p><p>Legolas: Wondrous are these woods!</p><p>Gimli: And full of cutthroat elves.</p><p>Celeborn: We were told of your coming. Well, "warned" is more accurate.</p><p>Galadriel: I know you better than you know yourselves.</p><p>Sam: You've got nothing better to do with your time?</p><p>Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror.</p><p>Frodo: Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around here? What mirror are you babbling about, there's just this birdbath full of water.</p><p>Galadriel: But it shows magic pictures of things that may or may not be!</p><p>Frodo: I'm guessing you're a day trader. Here, you take the ring.</p><p>Galadriel: I will not. (hangs her head) I lost the instructions.</p><p>Frodo: Great, I'm still stuck with it.</p><p>Celeborn: Check-out time!</p><p></p><p>Pippin: (singing) Row row row your boat, gently down-</p><p>Gimli: Shut the hell up. Seven hours of that is enough.</p><p>Strider: All this beautiful scenery is giving me a very bad feeling.</p><p></p><p>Boromir: Give me the ring.</p><p>Frodo: Notice as I put it on that it not only makes me invisible, it also apparently teleports me away from your clutches.</p><p>Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my kingdom! Where is a rake I can step on, that it might strike my head? Ah, this will do nicely. (whack)</p><p>Frodo: Best thing for me to do now is head for the most dangerous place in the world.</p><p>Sam: Works for me. (they leave)</p><p>SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill!</p><p>Merry: Help, help, Auntie Em! (waves his tiny sword pathetically)</p><p>Pippin: Christ, look at the *size* of these guys, we're dead meat.</p><p>Boromir: Fear not, little hobbits, I shall blow my special horn and we shall be rescued by soldiers . . who are . . hundreds . . of . .miles . . away . . guess we are pretty stuffed after all. (dies)</p><p>SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill!</p><p>Legolas: Look at my form. Damn, I'm good.</p><p>Gimli: I'm environmentally friendly --- blood makes the grass grow.</p><p>Strider: Looks like Frodo got away. Well, there's no chance in hell I'm going to step one foot closer to Mordor, so let's go the exact opposite direction.</p><p>Legolas: Okay.</p><p>Gimli: Sure.</p><p></p><p>THE END</p><p></p><p>Hope this is what you meant Forrester <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> If not then I probably look quite foolish right now <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> .</p><p></p><p>Lady Starhawk</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lady Starhawk, post: 6195, member: 441"] (My first post on the new board...so I hope it comes out all right ;) ) I found this along with Hobbit, Two Towers, and Return of the king on the Book a Minute site, darn funny stuff. BUt this I copied off of the old board as soon as I saw it :) . [url]http://www.livejournal.com/~cassieclaire[/url] is more journals of characters including Frodo and Boromir :p . THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (abridged version) Frodo: Hi, Gandalf! Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring. Bilbo: Okay. Bye! Gandalf: See you at the pub, Frodo. Frodo: Doo-de-do. Nazgul: Boo! Frodo: Eeeek! Merry: (pops up out of nowhere) Eeeek! Pippin: (ditto) Eeeek! Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now! Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends! Frodo: No time for you, weirdo. Tom Bombadil: (disappears) Saruman: See, all I had to do was cross out "Good" on my business cards and write "Bad", and I'm all set. Gandalf: I never saw /that/ coming. Saruman: Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of evil orcs and war machinery which were in plain sight. Gandalf: Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of in the canonical dungeon deep underground. Oh, wait. Frodo: (whispering) Keep a low profile. Pippin: (loudly) And don't mention your real name, right? Merry: (loudly) Or the ring either, right? Strider: Right. Don't mention the ring. (laughs) It's okay, I'll save you. Pippin: (whining) Are we there yet? Nazgul: Bwa ha ha ha. Give us the ring, little worm. Frodo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names- Sam: Hmm, looks like swords work too. Strider: Go away, bad men! Nazgul: The five of us must flee, for we are outnumbered by this one Ranger! Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell! Merry: That was easy. Pippin: Don't knock it. Sam: Elves are cool! Elrond: Get the hell out of my place, I don't need trouble. Gimli: You can't throw them out while I'm here! Legolas: Same for me! Elrond: Right, all of you wankers leave now. Gandalf: But I just got here. Boromir: I'll just invite myself along. No real reason. Certainly not because I have larceny on my mind. Nope. Strider: Look, they fixed my sword! (swish) Wheeeee! Frodo: Such beautiful scenery. The green grass and leaves are so- [THUD] Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from? Gandalf: Don't blame me. Who knew that mountains could be cold on top? Gimli: Told you we should go through the mines. Strider: Let the dwarf have his way. Legolas: Fine, whatever, just open the door. Gimli: Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside. Boromir: What a bunch of dicks. Gandalf: Of course! (applies C4 to the problem) [POOF] Sam: Such magic. Merry: Ooooo, dead dwarf over here! Gimli: Boo hoo. Pippin: HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!! Gandalf: Twit. Orcs: Oh good, we were getting hungry. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep an army fed in these abandonded mines? Boromir: (Slash) Legolas: (Pfft) Gimli: (Whack) Orcs: This is definitely putting a damper on our relationship. Frodo: Ouch! Strider: Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished! Our quest has failed! Frodo: Just kidding. I did the slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest trick while I was standing in profile to y'all. Pretty funny, eh? Balrog: Dammit, I was sound asleep. That really ticks me off. Gandalf: We are so doomed. Strider: Not if we run away! (does so) Boromir: First good idea you've had. (follows) hobbits: (already in the lead) Gandalf: (trailing) It matters not! You cannot outrun the demon! Legolas: We don't have to . . . Gimli: . . . we just have to outrun *you*. Balrog: Your ass is mine, wizard. (drags Gandalf down with him) Strider: Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has fallen! Frodo: I'm over it. Sam: Yeah, let's go, there's no food here. Legolas: Wondrous are these woods! Gimli: And full of cutthroat elves. Celeborn: We were told of your coming. Well, "warned" is more accurate. Galadriel: I know you better than you know yourselves. Sam: You've got nothing better to do with your time? Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror. Frodo: Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around here? What mirror are you babbling about, there's just this birdbath full of water. Galadriel: But it shows magic pictures of things that may or may not be! Frodo: I'm guessing you're a day trader. Here, you take the ring. Galadriel: I will not. (hangs her head) I lost the instructions. Frodo: Great, I'm still stuck with it. Celeborn: Check-out time! Pippin: (singing) Row row row your boat, gently down- Gimli: Shut the hell up. Seven hours of that is enough. Strider: All this beautiful scenery is giving me a very bad feeling. Boromir: Give me the ring. Frodo: Notice as I put it on that it not only makes me invisible, it also apparently teleports me away from your clutches. Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my kingdom! Where is a rake I can step on, that it might strike my head? Ah, this will do nicely. (whack) Frodo: Best thing for me to do now is head for the most dangerous place in the world. Sam: Works for me. (they leave) SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill! Merry: Help, help, Auntie Em! (waves his tiny sword pathetically) Pippin: Christ, look at the *size* of these guys, we're dead meat. Boromir: Fear not, little hobbits, I shall blow my special horn and we shall be rescued by soldiers . . who are . . hundreds . . of . .miles . . away . . guess we are pretty stuffed after all. (dies) SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill! Legolas: Look at my form. Damn, I'm good. Gimli: I'm environmentally friendly --- blood makes the grass grow. Strider: Looks like Frodo got away. Well, there's no chance in hell I'm going to step one foot closer to Mordor, so let's go the exact opposite direction. Legolas: Okay. Gimli: Sure. THE END Hope this is what you meant Forrester :) If not then I probably look quite foolish right now ;) . Lady Starhawk [/QUOTE]
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